As of right now I am a naive 19 year old college student. I do not know what the future has in store for me neither do i know what it has in store for you, I can only hope you have a fulfilled and beautiful life and you never have to experience any kind of suffering. I can only hope that you grow up to know me not as a woman who gave you up because it was so much more than that. I never gave you up, I gave you opportunities that i simply could not provide for you. I gave you a loving family that was not broken. I gave you a mother and father who had payed and begged for you. I did not simply give you up and I wanted you. I wanted to keep you so bad it hurt, I wanted to hold you with every fiber of my being I wanted to wake up every morning and see you. Do not ever for one second think i didnt love you. I have always loved you, before you were even born i loved the idea of you. The idea that a beautiful little girl was living in me. The circumstances of your adoption were particularly hard for me. You're father was not the person i thought he was and I was not equipped to handle you on my own. Your mother came into my life and helped me. She let me live with her when i was working 12 hour shifts to pay my bills and be able to eat, so i could have a relaxing time being pregnant with you. She stayed up with me when you were kicking late at night and keeping up. She even let me come to see you after i tried to take you back from her. Please don't ever take her for granted your mother will always have a special place in my heart. Once you were born and your mother took you home i was so empty. There will always be an emptiness in me i think because of not being able to raise you but that is a sacrifice that i needed to make in order for you to have a higher standard of living than i could provide. Some night i stay up looking at your pictures thinking about how beautiful you are and how much i love you. Your mother has allowed me to stay in contact with you and her which is something i am so thankful for. I get to watch you grow up, I get the chance to see you run and play and i can see all of your happiness as you grow up. I want you to always remember no matter what that you are beautiful and special. By the time you find out that i am your mother your childhood will be gone you will be a young woman entering college and beginning your own life. For now though i will be your friend, and i will cherish every moment i get to spend with you. Right now your favorite movie is frozen which happens to be one of my favorites right now. Your mother send me videos of you dancing and singing along to it and it makes my day. You are an extremely happy child and im so glad that your mother and father have provided for you what i could not. You also have a full family of brothers to protect you which is something im sure you will be grateful for when you start dating :). I just want you to always know no matter what you were not abandoned by me, I will be there as long as I can and that I love you so much.
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